Sunday, January 21, 2007
What's up with this?
I have always known that racism exists, but I never experienced it until 2004. That's when I got pregnant with my first daughter. Her father had mentioned before that his mom had a problem with him seeing me, and that she had made comments that he didn't want to repeat, but we weren't serious, so I didn't really care. Plus, I figured she'd come around. She just needed to get to know me.
Then I found out that I was pregnant.
He freaked out, saying his mom was mom was going to kill him, how was he going to tell her, etc. A week went by. She still didn't know. I cried, saying that he was ashamed. I knew we weren't in love, but I thought that he at least cared about me. He had told me that we would raise the baby together. He said that he wanted a daughter. He even seemed happy. Then two weeks after I had told him that I was pregnant, he disappeared. He said that he was going home to take a nap and he would be back later. But he never came back. I went to his house one day. I heard people inside, I saw cars outside, but when I knocked on the door, all sound ceased. They pretended they weren't home. I didn't dare call his mom's phone.
A few months later, he went to my friend Sherri's apartment (that was where we met), and told her that he felt bad, but his whole family was mad at him and there was no way he could be involved in the baby's life. He actually went there quite a few times, always conveniently right after I left. Each time she tried to convince him that he needed to do the right thing, each time, he was too much of a coward to stand up to his family.
Fast forward--the baby is born. A beautiful little girl who looked just like her father. Straight hair, half-moon shaped eyes that were brown like mine, rather than green like his. When she was three weeks old, Sherri, her bf (who was a friend of his) and I went to his house to show him and his family the beautiful child that they were missing out on. I stayed in the car because we figured that they would respond better to white people. The result: His mom said that they didn't want to see the baby, they wouldn't accept the baby, and if he ever had anything to do with the baby, they would disown him. Such wonderful people, huh?
Well, anyway, I got over it for a while. I met a great guy who I ended up marrying. We have had another daughter. He treats my first daughter as if she is his own. Things have been good for us, except for the fact that I have been going through Postpartum Depression for the last 7 weeks, since our new baby has been born. Maybe
that is why what I saw last night bothers and saddens me so much.
I was on Yahoo! answers and I stumbled upon a racist answer to a question (I don't remember what exactly was said). That lead me to read the user's profile, and other questions he had answered and asked. Somehow, in the midst of doing a lot of Reporting, I saw a link to a website called
niggermania.com. I got curious about what these racists had to say on this website and went to it. Silly me.
I am so shocked to know that there are people who go as far as saying that we are not human beings, we never invented anything, all black people are violent, on welfare, smoke crack, stink, and are incapable of intelligence. They provided statistics, I don't know how many of them are true, but for every statistic that they showed about the U.S., they showed a picture of poor starving people in Africa. Does this make much sense? No, but it seemed to make them feel good. They even said that we are ugly, and showed a picture of a white model next to a starving African. Now why couldn't they have put a picture of a black model up if they were going to do a comparison? They also didn't differentiate between average Black Americans and poor Africans.
I think that it is
ridiculous that in this day and age people can still be so ignorant. It makes me sad to think that when people see me, they could possibly be thinking these things. I'm not so much angry, because how can you really be mad at ignorance? I just wish that these same people could wake up in a different body one day, like in that movie "The Hot Chick", only they'd wake up Black.
Just needed to vent.
Labels: Racism
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