Friday, January 26, 2007
Big, Fat Fool
I feel so stupid right now. I got all obsessive compulsive about cleaning my apartment, thinking that since my meds haven't completely kicked in the maybe having a spotless house would make me feel better. WRONG!!! I feel even worse. All that happened was I started feeling claustrophobic in here. It was fine when there were three of us, but now that there are four, it's just too much.
So once I started feeling bad about the tiny apartment, I started thinking everything else I'm unhappy with. Like my body. Everyone says, "Oh, it's just baby fat; You'll lose it." Like it's no big deal. Before I had my first daughter, I was 135 lbs. I gained eighty pounds when I was pregnant with her. I know, I know, that's a hell of a lot, but I also stopped tweaking when I found out I was pregnant, so that also caused some of that weight gain.
So, after I had her, I lost 40 lbs. I was on my way back to a size 7. Then I got married and decided, "Hey, I want my kids to be close together. Let's have a baby now!" Nine months later, after my husband stuffed me with ice cream and McDonalds, I weigh in at 221. I was 236 when I went to my last prenatal visit, so that means that I've lost 15 lbs. And 7 of those were the baby. So, when people tell me it's just baby fat, I just don't buy it. Who has nearly 100 lbs of baby fat? I hate this. I try to exercise, but then one of the baby's needs me, or I have to clean up some mess the older baby made.
I downloaded this virtual plastic surgery program that's supposed to show you how you would look if you got a boob job or lipo. It showed me the boob job, even let me pick out the boobs, position them and everything. But I could not figure out how to do the lipo. I emailed customer service. I hope they let me know soon.
Labels: diet, excercise, Fat, PPD, unhappy
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